Most of you tell me that your biggest barrier to enjoying the dating process is a lack of faith or trust. You may have a strong desire to be in relationship but have a very strong fear of losing love or your freedom, being hurt, or anything else that represents loss. The truth is that anything that causes hurt, pain or loss is not really love. It’s a lower vibration idea about love. This doesn’t deny the experience. It helps clarify that it wasn’t love that caused the pain.
To love and to be loved does require a willingness to be open. Wisdom and discernment tell us to open slowly and allow trust to be earned. This is healthy.
You’re not to fling discernment out the window and trust a person, or even your human self, as an act of trust.
You can however trust your Higher Self or the bigger part of you that knows. And the best way to strengthen your connection with the part of you that knows who is good for you is: 1) through meditation, 2) and by focusing on your vision for your love life. As you do this, you will discover what you believe about love and whether you feel you deserve it.
Through every date or relationship you are called upon to clarify that vision and your ability to love. You may not have realized this, and you lose your faith that you get to have a loving relationship. Instead, your focus (faith) shifts towards believing that you do not get love, it’s painful, or blaming yourself for attracting the experience.
Instead of realizing that something was not right for you, you may have concluded that love is painful. You may believe that you will be abandoned or will lose love instead of realizing that you can have better. Or, you may believe that love impinges on your freedom and will be a lot of work. These attitudes broadcast that you are not ready for love to come into your life. You may even find things wrong with everyone you meet or attract people who are wrong for you in order to avoid getting involved. Your soul mate will get through no matter what, but why give them such a hard time?
Everyone has insecurities. The way the insecurities out-picture differ. Although neediness, desperation, or trying too hard can push people away, most people do not realize that behaviors that look less needy come from the same insecure place.
Here are some examples of behavior that may be preventing you from being hurt but also push love away: sarcasm, being too busy, refusing to receive, having a tough shell, or having to do everything yourself which can represent an unwillingness to be interdependent.
Although you cannot completely keep love at bay, you may be making it more difficult for yourself and could be enjoying dating a lot more than you are.
Here are a few suggestions to help you increase your faith in love and to allow yourself to open up:
- No Rejection – Rejection protects you from getting more involved with the wrong person. As illogical as this sounds, many people feel rejected even when they are not interested in person who breaks up with them. If you were interested in the person, a break up can be especially hard. The most important thing to learn in the dating process is to release. Do you really want to continue to date someone who does not want to be with you, let alone convince them that you are worth their time? And remember, the relationship did have a purpose even if it was short-lived. Usually it clarifies what type of relationship is truly for you. Soulmate Sign: When you’re with the right person they make it very clear to you that they are interested in you.
- People aren’t Misfits – Relationships, not people, are either a fit or a mis-fit. You may be carrying around a belief that you are flawed, or a misfit. You may have accepted this because you heard others criticize you over and over again for some quality. Remember, many a class clown became a famous comedian. Gillian Lynne, now a famous actor/dancer/choreographer, had trouble with fidgeting and lack of focus in school because she was meant to move her body. Soulmate Sign: The person for you will find your unique quirks attractive, endearing, or a non-issue.
- Recall a Past Triumph – The best way to increase your faith and trust in something that hasn’t become visible in your experience is to recall a past experience where you overcame similar doubts and struggles. As you do, remind yourself that believing before you see, or at least being willing to do so, is a big part of manifesting. And often those areas which test our faith the most are the areas of our biggest manifestations. Soulmate Sign: When your vision no longer seems out of reach and you are happy where you are, you are ready for love. This is also a sign when you’re dating someone and would like it to go to the next level. You feel confident but you don’t need to push your agenda. You’re happy where you are.
- Look for Examples – It’s difficult to believe in something that you’ve never seen before. Did you know that in 1988, four Jamaicans from the Army competed in the bobsled races in the Olympics? They had no experience with bobsleds because they had no experience with snow but that didn’t stop them. They went to Lake Placid, NY and Austria to train. You can do something similar by looking for evidence of soul mate relationships. Every time you see a happy couple, note it. Look for articles. Write down your current relationships that demonstrate soul mate love in your experience, include your pets. Put yourself into situations where you feel loved and supported. This may take you out of your current social circles, but it will be for the good. Soulmate Sign: You get excited when you find out about someone you know who is getting married or is pregnant. Instead of feeling left out, you claim that you’re next.
- Release the Past/Forgive – Ask yourself periodically what (or who) you might be holding onto from your past that might be influencing your expectations for love. Any belief about love that has a negative association reveals that we have something to forgive or release. You may not be able to recall where the conclusion came from. I often tell people that they need to be willing to be wrong. That makes them laugh, but I mean it. You may be so sure that something is true that you recreate the same experience over and over again. And, to make it worse, you may be using it to justify your position. Would it be ok with you if you are wrong? Would you be able to forgive yourself and receive something different? Of course you would! Soulmate Sign: You start expecting your love life to get better. You are happy enough with your own life that you desire that those from your past find love and happiness as well.