People do what they do. And believe it or not, it has nothing to do with you.
How often do you internalize, personalize, and react to what someone says, does, or perhaps does not do? Do you stay in your joy or let it drag you down? What conclusions do you draw about them, you, or your prospects for love?
How might dating and your relationships shift and heal if you were to explore this in your experiences? Might you be able to stay open without taking in the hurt?
In many spiritual paths it is often said that you attract your experience or that you get back what you focus upon or put out into the world.
Yes, it is true that your experience reflects your focus.
And I’m sure that you, like me, have had experiences with people who have done or said some things that threw you for a loop. Sometimes, there’s a simplistic cause and effect scenario that is playing out, but not always.
There have been times when I would sit and question what I had put out that had attracted that experience.
I’m certain you have probably had the same question in your mind.
Well, you may have attracted it to break a habit. Just what is that habit?
It’s the tendency to catch something just because someone is throwing it.
When you catch something that doesn’t belong to you, you usually throw it back right? That’s a reaction. They may take it back, they may not.
What if you were to let it drop, and not play? Something amazing happens. You are no longer reacting, and you create an opportunity for grace and healing.
I have found it’s best to start with strangers and situations where you know it has nothing to do with you, then move on to something or someone where you might have more of an attachment.
Just last month I had an experience along these lines. It was early morning, and I had been running with my son for about 4 miles. We stopped at a local park so that he could use the restroom before we started up the second half of the run. There was a little dog there. While I was petting him, a woman came out of the restroom and started talking to me.
“You look like one of those suicide bombers with all that stuff on you.” She said.
The stuff was my water belt and bottles. That sounded crazy. I paused before I responded. I just felt that this was not mine. Then, I said something silly and rolled with it.
“You’re sweating.” She looked right at me as if she didn’t like sweat.
I mentioned that we were on an 8 mile run. We were about halfway through.
“Well, at least that explains it. I was going to tell you GOOD LUCK because you look bad.”
At that point I just looked at her and smiled. She looked back at me and said, “I wish I could get my son to go outside. He just plays computer games.”
About then, my son came out. As we were running, I told him the story. He came up with a couple of reasons why she may have said what she said. One line of reasoning had to do with envy, the other was that she was trying to be friendly by giving me a hard time New Jersey style.
Then something hit me, I didn’t know why and I didn’t need to know why. That whatever prompted her to say what she said was her business, and speculating would only take away from this time together with my son. Besides, it seemed she got to a place where she realized she wanted something. In a way, choosing not to fight her helped her come to that realization.
I shared my insight with him. He thought about it, kind of agreed, and then we moved on. I felt as if I had been given wings.
If you’d like to learn more about applying this idea and more in dating or relationship, make sure you’re on my mailing list for my online session FALL in Love Now on Tuesday, September 13th at 8 pm Eastern Time (US) which is free for my subscribers.