Probably the most difficult thing to do is to trust a longing for love that you have had for years. The longing may even feel as if it’s more of a companion than your true love’s appearance.
Receiving him or her into your life has less to do with time than you think. I know that this can be hard to believe but the unfoldment of love in your life is already happening. Just like a seed, it starts its growth in the invisible. Your responsibility is to plant it and nurture it.
That dream of love is calling on you to let it grow in your life. If you are feeling its absence more strongly and it has you wanting to give up, you might just be at a point where you are to being asked to surrender. Surrender has a negative connotation and brings up vulnerability. Both ask that you give up control and fixed ideas. It can also lead to self condemnation, self-blame and a whole host of self-loathing stemming from the idea that you must have been “doing it” wrong all along.
When surrender knocks on your door, it can feel as if you’re being asked to give up your dream. You may even be feeling pulled to do things that are totally unrelated to your dream; and they may even appear to be negating what you think should be happening. This is exactly the time to deepen your ability to listen to your inner guidance and to be willing to listen and follow it. In my experience, I know it’s my inner guidance because it comes to me in a clear manner and there is a feeling of confidence and the idea is grounded yet fresh and maybe a bit uncomfortable. If the idea seems urgent or pressured or it gives me this sense of not being grounded, I let it sit. It will either become more grounded or it will dissipate and show itself as an attempt to force.
In nature, the hardest nuts or seeds to crack yield what is most magnificent and enduring.
When you give Love the tiniest opening it is akin to planting a seed. Planting activates the seed. It says you’re ready to tend to it. Everything is set in motion once you plant it. You don’t get love any more than you grow a plant. You can only activate and cooperate with its growth, and limit what would slow that growth down.
From the perspective of the seed, as you get closer to realizing your dream, you may feel the transition as a great opening up which is followed by what appears to be loss, deep disappointment, or anxiety. The loss does not have to be tangible. It can be as subtle as second guessing whether or not our new habits or enthusiasm have taken proper root. When this happens, anchoring yourself in your spiritual practice allows you to grow roots both deep and wide in preparation for your dream to come out into the light of day.
Signs you may be slowing down growth
- Self-criticism, self-doubt, feeling you’re doomed to be alone temps you to dig up the seed and slow the growth. Exposing your dream to those who would undermine it would also slow the growth. Instead, keep it safe and sacred until it is ready to see the light of day.
- Associating relationships (or the realization of your dream) with a lack of freedom, boredom, or unhappiness does the same thing. It seems to cancel out love the same way the clouds appear to swallow up the sun. The good news is that Love is stronger than doubt. And if you pay attention to even the slightest hint of growth, you welcome Love in.
If you’re experiencing the above, you are slowing things down until you can catch up with your dream. It’s akin to taking your foot off the gas or putting your foot on the brake to slow things down. Or if we’re following the plant analogy, you may be trimming branches to slow down or redirect the plant’s growth as you choose.
Instead of heaping on self-blame or seeing it as self-sabotage, see it as wisdom. You are refining and giving yourself the time to fully embrace your dream.
You can always choose to speed up your growth again. Just give it more fertilizer, water and light.
Here are just a few practical ways you can encourage Love to take root:
- Explore the type of support you require to deepen your spiritual practice. Some need community, others work quietly on their own or have a small circle of support.
- Love yourself where you are. Write down all the reasons you are such a great catch. And be very alert to resistance you may have here. Enlist cheerleaders if necessary.
- Deepen your practice.
- List all of the experiences in your life where you let go of something that was very familiar and it turned out to be the best decision of your life.
- List the evidence of love in your life.
- Look for loving relationships and claim that you get that too. They exist. Focus on the good relationships–the ones where they are holding hands in their golden years–and you’ll see more.
- Trust that if the Universe created you with the desire for partnership that there’s someone who is the perfect match and that that union gets better over time. Chemistry deepens and stays exciting and interesting.
- Look at how you label other relationships. Believe it or not, this tells you more about how open you are to love. Do you believe that people can be happy in love? Do you believe it’s possible that the connection can be easy, making its maintenance something that you want to do? What doubts do you have about love lasting? If you can find even one example where any negative beliefs are untrue, you now have opened up the possibility that you too can be the exception.
As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of the movie Michael. The leading man is walking around the city at night and something tells him to turn left when he was going to turn right. He runs into the woman who got through to his heart and they have their happy ending. You have your own guiding light, get to know it and trust it. You will find it to be your most faithful companion.
Love and hugs,