When Forgiveness Doesn’t Work

This blog may be just a bit messy on the grammatical end of things because something just needs to come out. Lately, I’ve received a lot of emails from people moving through difficulty with divorce, job loss, and so on. These very difficult times can grab us and keep us mesmerized and frozen in a way that we cannot move forward, like a deer in the headlights.

(Just a reminder, forgiveness doesn’t mean you are condoning anything. You’re just releasing your attention on it so that you no longer do any more harm to yourself.)

Times like this can often be accompanied by some financial hardship as well. The tendency is to isolate oneself. Although some alone time is necessary, make sure you reach out for the support you need. No matter how busy or financially pressed you seem to be, this help is more than worth it.

So here it goes.

Most of what I’ve been taught about forgiveness doesn’t really work for me, at least when I practiced it the way it was taught.

No matter what, any forgiveness exercise got me to thinking about whatever it was that I was trying to release even more. In other words, it didn’t give me relief. It backfired. I usually found myself in a more negative state (a trance) than when I started.

Until one day, I saw one method of forgiveness in a completely different way. Someone told me to do the seventy times seven exercise. With this exercise you write a sentence where you state that you forgive this person (or an experience, or yourself) seventy times for 7 days. You repeat this until you’re released.

I write slowly, so my initial thought was, oh my God, I’ll be doing this for a while. Then, a strong message came through and told me, this will give you the opposite of what you want. You’ll be focusing on the thing even more than you were to begin with. What a waste of time!

In that moment, I got it and I didn’t need to write another sentence. Yes, what I had to forgive (release) came back to me again but my desire to INVEST my ATTENTION (my precious mind-resource-consciousness) in it was gone. I saw clearly through that exercise HOW MUCH VALUABLE TIME AND ENERGY WAS BEING DIRECTED TOWARDS SOMETHING I DIDN’T WANT and I WAS RE-INFLICTING MYSELF. I wanted my FREEDOM and PEACE of MIND more than anything. And, if I was going to focus my attention on anything it was going to be on the life affirming DESIRE that was BORN out of the experience. Now that doesn’t mean that I turned off my feelings like a faucet. I just gently and persistently acknowledged it, felt it, and turned it over.  It’s being aware of what is going on, having that witnessing consciousness, that eventually redirects that current of thought into what appears to us as the healing of a wound. Our psyche is just as intelligent and capable as our body in healing. We just need to remind ourselves to allow it and let it happen.

So, what did I do? I gave it over to Source to forgive for me until I was released enough to actually want the other person to do well and be happy too. And I distracted myself with the things in my life that I appreciate and make me happy. I released over and over again. And, I focused on the good I have, no matter how small it seemed at the moment. Whatever needed to come up, did come up. I didn’t over process anything nor did I try to process the past. (Thoughts/feelings just like food are best when they’re consumed fresh and are unprocessed.). It wasn’t something that was forced or that I made happen. It was something that just came to me in meditation one day. And, I asked for and sought out spiritual support from people I trusted to hold me in the light. (very important)

The road to get to that place took a little discipline. I had to refrain from indulging in commiseration and re-telling my story, among other things. It worked though. And the energy that would have been tied up in something that would have only returned to me more pain or anger or financial distress is yielding returns that are just plain wonderful.

By | 2016-10-13T16:54:03+00:00 May 28th, 2014|All|Comments Off on When Forgiveness Doesn’t Work

About the Author:

Lisa is a Love Attraction and Dating coach. She helps people connect with their soulmate and create a life that they love. Ask her how to attract that special someone: (908) 605-6266 or send an email.