Your Secret Valentine

2013-09-22 18.12.35If you are single, it may be hard to feel this right now. You are not alone.

Do you get frustrated or angry when you’re told that the way to your perfect mate is through your connection with Love, Source, God or your Higher Self? Are you also tired of being told that you have got to like being alone too? Does it really bother you when you are being asked to let others be who they are and it seems that that means you don’t get what you want? Does it come across that that means they get to do what they want and you are left unsatisfied?

I get it.

Over 65% of the population is visually-focused, another 30% are auditory, and only 5% kinesthetic. Although these modalities are used to help teachers reach their students, it’s also indicative of how most people relate to the world.

No matter what you say you believe, if you’re not seeing it, some part of you is looking for evidence in a way that is meaningful for you.

Here is a practical way of looking at your connection with Love. Take a look at your phone. Smart or otherwise, it cannot connect you with another phone except through your carrier. That connection may accessed via wireless or landline technologies but you must connect to it to get through to another phone. All you need is that connection and a number, which is a specific address or location through which that connection can operate.

When you connect with Love, Love can operate through you and into the world in a specific and focused way.

If you connect with something else, that will operate.

The connection is not something you have to create, get, or look for. It’s really what you are. It’s always where you are, just hanging out, until you call upon it or realize that you can allow it to express through you.

You can walk around with your phone and feel quite alone if you do not realize that you have this connection. Or you can connect with it and it will connect you with opportunities to love and be loved, above and beyond what you may have called upon in your past (your contact list).

And this is where the analogy goes beyond your phone carrier. As you make that connection, you will receive guidance. And if that guidance is a little out of the ordinary yet grounded, pay attention. That guidance is your opportunity and your protection. It will tell you when to explore a connection with someone and when to move on. It will also ask you to do something seemingly unrelated to what you want that will end up being a turning point. For example, you may miss a spin class that you normally take and go to a later class. In that later class, you come across someone you haven’t seen in years who gives you information or support that you were trying to get some other way. It happened easily and naturally. Get it? And, if you tend to second-guess your hunches, this guidance will keep knocking. It’s very patient.

What about that getting comfortable being alone? You may have a lot of experience being alone and are chomping at the bit for real physical company. Or, you may be afraid that being too comfortable being alone will mean that you’ve given up.

Being comfortable alone means you’re centered enough that you will only welcome in what is a match. It doesn’t mean you insist on independence or solitude, just that you’re not looking for any warm body to fill the void.  And not to worry, you won’t get so happy being by yourself that you won’t let the right person in. On the contrary, you’ll know they’re right because you feel as if you’re choosing to be with them instead of needing them. Your time alone is also a time to get clear about what is important for you in relationship, so that you can release those who are not right for you without having to make them wrong.

Now what about this idea of letting others be who they are? If you tend to be a giver, you may mistakenly think that this means you are the one to give the other person what they want, even if it goes against who you are or what you need. Or, you may expect that the other person needs to give you what you want if they love you. Nope. There are different expectations in relationship. No one is higher, better, or more spiritual. It’s just higher, better, or more in integrity with you. There is someone who fits with you and vice versa. For example, Lucy dated many people with many different preferences. One, she found out, was into polyamory. He tried to tell her it was a higher love. It was for him. It wasn’t for her. And that realization freed her up to connect with the right person for her. And, it freed him up too. My wish is that divorcees see this as well. They do not need to demonize or condemn each other to validate the reason for separation. And it is best if their families do not need to do this either. Mary dated someone who didn’t like cuddling, and she really needed it. The only part of the relationship that was good was the sex, the rest of the relationship was really off too. Eventually, the relationship fizzled out. Now she’s with someone who cuddles a lot and their physical intimacy gets better over time. She now knows that she couldn’t have made a mistake at all. What wasn’t best fizzled out, and it also served to help her clarify what was important to her.

You cannot go wrong. It may appear to be that way in the short term view, but the big picture is always working out in your favor. Trust that you are never alone and that your life is held up and guided on the path of love always. And if need be, you will be carried until you’re strong enough to go it alone.

No one is asking you to be a hermit. And, giving others an opportunity to give to you is the most unselfish thing of all. You are allowing them the opportunity to give and be appreciated for what they have to share.

So, what can you do to enjoy tomorrow if you haven’t made any plans?

  • Connect with your community. It may be church, a meditation group. It could also be your running club, hiking, dancing, or anything that elicits joy.
  • Connect with a close family member or a friend. Swap massages or buy each other valentines cards. Share what you value in each other.
  • Spend quality time with yourself. Buy yourself candy, flowers, or cards that you would like to receive.
  • If you are available tomorrow, I’m teaching just a little and we’re going to celebrate more at Rock ‘n’ Joe’s Café in Union.  It can be quite an uplifting experience to step out and give the gift of your presence. And you’ll discover that you are not alone in being single. Besides, giving out hugs will keep us all warm. For more information.

Whether you choose to step out or stay in, let Love guide your choices.


By | 2016-10-13T16:54:01+00:00 February 13th, 2016|All|Comments Off on Your Secret Valentine

About the Author:

Lisa is a Love Attraction and Dating coach. She helps people connect with their soulmate and create a life that they love. Ask her how to attract that special someone: (908) 605-6266 or send an email.